I’ve been trying to consistently study for the DAT for sometime and it certainly is a challenge. Although I am studying every now and then, it’s difficult to set a block of time for studying when I find something else I want to do. I want to talk to my lover, read books that I’ll actually read, and learn something new. I want to spend time with my family and friends, tame my parrots, and exercise! But most of all, I just want to be tied down to something I love.
And that’s where my problem lies. I don’t know what I would love to do for the rest of my life. I’ve given a lot of thought to what I could do, and whether I would love it 10 years later, and whether it would be a flexible job for my kids and so forth… But truth be told, I’m still a young inexperienced adult. There are a ton of things to learn, especially about life as an adult and the independence and responsibilities that come with it. As far as I’m concerned, I just want to figure out what I like so I can find some order in my life.
This takes me back to my grade school days, where classes were strictly scheduled one hour per subject a day during school hours. After school, there were also set hours for sports activities and homework. Some people would say that this is such a packed schedule and that it was insane to force this onto students everyday, but kids, if they attended public school, were forced to do this everyday since they were born. It’s become second nature to us that we have to be at a certain place at a certain time, otherwise there would be punishments. For me, I have lost this need to find my place. It’s probably why I feel lost all the time. I don’t feel any sense of accomplishment, or any sense of urgency to do something and get it done.
Actually, I take that back. I do feel a sense of urgency, but not a sense of accomplishment because I know I have a path to walk, but I have not seriously taken enough steps to get started, which makes me feel like I’m never getting started. I need to walk on the dental path, and it’s a long ways to get to the end. The length of the journey to dentistry intimidates me, but I don’t show it. In fact, I tell everyone I’m on the path, but I was not able to take the next few steps for my lack of commitment.
I need to start taking things more seriously. I need to grow up and do things that I know that I don’t like doing, or don’t think I’m good at and get better at it. I need to figure out that life will not take me places if I don’t start walking on my own.
Well, back to DAT studying.